Well last night sucked.... but I woke up again this morning. I'm breathing. I'm healthy. I'm thankful for the job that I have even though it is a dead end job at least I have one. I'm thankful for my beautiful babies even though they drive me insane especially as they are all in the pre-teen/teen years. I'm thankful for a place to live even though it is not my own place... I do have things I am thankful for even though sometimes it does not seem like it... I am thankful for the knowledge that I can do all of this on my own even though deep down I do not want to continue doing it on my own... I realize that everything good happens in God's timing. I get that I really do. But just this once before I lose all my hope I do wish that He would find a way to show me that there is something coming. Something better than I could have ever imagined...
Last night I read chapter 4 of Made to Crave for my online bible study... one of the questions that was asked at the end was "When a friend experiences success with healthy food choices and losing weight, do you feel encouraged and inspired by this or do you feel discouraged and envious? Do you communicate your feelings to your friend or do you keep them to yourself?" I know the answer to that and by now I'm beyond sure that all of you know the answer also. LOL of course I get discouraged and envious, but I obviously feel that way in all areas of my life... not just with my food and weight... but with job promotions, love lives, personal things that do not even pertain to me... you name it. What a horrible way I am living. The problem is I do not know, yet, how to change it... I will learn this. That is part of becoming beautiful on my inside... there is no room for envy. I have to let go... Ahhhh it is only January, the end of it though, and I see that I still have an amazingly long way to go..... I CAN AND I WILL DO THIS... I will win. I will be beautiful...
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