Trying to get beautiful...

So it has been so long since I blogged and I truly miss it... so I decided to challenge myself and will hopefully be able to make it a habit. So today I am reintroducing myself. My name is Micaela and my blog is about my journey of trying to get beautiful inside and out.

 I am a tortured soul and yes I know how cliche that sounds but it is so true. I am a lover of love and that ends up getting me hurt more than it makes me happy. I find the good in everyone, even if it means losing myself in the journey. I am trying to find myself after my last failed relationship. I have also always been a little overweight and hate my body so in this journey of finding "me" I am trying to lose the extra pounds.... I have tried everything from weight watchers to beachbody programs to the gym to a little bit of everything. Now I am planning on signing up with a virtual trainer and taking advantage of the gym program my job offers. 

This blog was started to follow this journey a few years ago unfortunately that journey took a wrong turn down a very dark path and honestly I thought more than once of ending my life. I just wanted to turn off the lights, drown the monsters that live in my head and the demons that have taken over my heart. The things that I have been through in my life most no one knows about because I have never talked about them. I am not sure what stopped me each time from ending everything but something did so today I will start blogging again and pray that I find some peace with it like I did before. 

So to introduce you to "Me" here are 10 facts about me:

1. I am obsessed with Sons of Anarchy! Love the show love everything about it... 
2. I love tattoos I have a lot of bad ones and one of my goals with my weight loss is to have my back piece fixed when I lose 20 pounds and when I lose the 50 pounds that is my end goal I will get a sleeve.
3. I love all things Disney.... I know after 1 and 2 this is a little odd but it is true.
4. I am a grandma. Dont get me started!
5. My daughter is a better mother than I could ever imagine being... 
6. Number 5 scares me and makes me very sad.
7. I feel like I will never find someone that will truly fall in love with me because of my demons.
8. I miss my old church and how involved I was and I worry that I will never find that again.
9. I was physically abused and mentally abused for so many years I now have PTSD and severe anxiety disorder
10. I LOVE to cook and bake

Yes most of those are random and all over the place but that is what makes me "Me".... so if you are reading this buckle up because this could get crazy!