Wow... one of my biggest worries is that I will not ever know what I was put on this earth for. I have questioned and cried and prayed to find out what I am here for and I'm still searching for that answer... surely all of the pain and hurt I have been through has not been for nothing... after reading, and rereading, chapter 8 in Limitless Life by Derwin Gray I believe that one of the purposes for my life was to learn how to love unconditionally and to learn how to forgive...
I, like most people, have always looked for my purpose in what I do. Job wise, volunteer through church wise, that kind of thing... I've lived my life so far with the thought process of ..."If I could only ______, then I'd be happy, or then I would find my purpose..." after reading that in this chapter I realize that is me. Guess what I'm still unhappy and still searching for my purpose... big surprise ;)
I have to start living in my purpose to find joy and according to Derwin Gray my purpose is to let God love me and then I will know my path in life... wow. I need to let God love me... I love God but I havent really been letting God love me... wow.
Looking back on my life I can see where this is true. I'm not good enough for a man to love me so how in the world could I possibly be good enough for God, the creator of EVERYTHING, to love me. Everyone I've ever loved has left me or hurt me, except for my kids, so maybe if I dont allow God to love me he can never leave me... My thinking is way screwed up yes I realize this... but that is what it is... I've been having some real tough conversations with myself the last few weeks. I want to be transformed into God's image... I want to have and live a limitless life... I deserve to let God love me and find my path. I want people to look at me and see that through all of the pain and just crap that I have gone through I am still standing and shining and I want people to see God's love through me...
Micaela, I so understand what you are saying. I too have suffered much loss and pain and disappointment in my life. I've been through the feeling of "no one could ever really just love me." Until, one day God, my Father, whispered to me, "I know your name." That might sound small, but it has been the one thing I've held onto to, because that meant He loved me. Yes, Micaela, He does love you with a great and powerful love. I so much enjoyed reading your blog post today. I hope you will continue this journey even after this OBS ends.
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Barbara P. (Proverbs 31 OBS Volunteer)
Those tough conversations often lead to bigger growth. I can so understand where you are coming from about trying to fulfill my purpose through "doing". This chapter really hit home. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteLauren, P31 OBS blog hop team
Oh sweet sister. You are amazing and God is using you. Let Him just love on you right now. Climb up on his lap and let Him hold you and love you like His precious jewel of a daughter. You are loved! He loves you, let you love you so that you can show others that love. He will ooze out of you. Praying of ryou.
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