tr.v. em·pow·ered, em·pow·er·ing, em·pow·ers
1. To invest with power, especially legal power or official authority. See Synonyms at authorize.
2. To equip or supply with an ability; enable: "Computers ... empower students to become intellectual explorers"(Edward B. Fiske).
What a word. That little word means such BIG things... for me anyways. Maybe it is because I have never used the word. I have EMPOWERED plenty of people in my life but I have not ever EMPOWERED myself... How sad is that! Well that is going to change this year... I am tired of giving other people and things power over me and my happiness... The whole point of me trying to get beautiful means I have to take responsibility and part of taking responsibility is owning the fact that I have been EMPOWERING other people and things.
I went to church last night for the first time since the beginning of November. I felt nervous. I also felt like the message was just for me... funny how that works huh... at one point the pastor said he wanted to pray for people that had no idea what gift God had given them. Well that was me so when he asked the people that felt like that to raise their hands so I did... I prayed the prayer and I meant it. What on earth did God put me here for... I've done so much and seen so much in my life... I have had four children, I have lived through some abuse that I would wish on no one, I have done so many drugs in one night that most people would not wake up the next morning... sorry but that is honesty... I have almost died two separate times, but I am still here... Why.
What am I missing.. so last night I prayed, and prayed. After the pastor was done praying for us he started a prayer for the people that knew what God had put them here for but did not know how to get started. I prayed for them too and then the pastor stopped. He said that he had this feeling that someone, maybe more than one person, was feeling like Satan stole something from them. I froze. I knew he meant me... he was looking towards where I was sitting. I raised my hand, and so did a few others, and people came and prayed over us and I felt #EMPOWERED. Because I was able to admit that I felt like Satan stole my spirit. He took my life again and I had empowered Him to do that. But last night standing in Freedom Life Church I took that power back. I #EMPOWERED myself. I still do not know what God wants me to do or what gift I am not seeing that He gave me, but I know that as I take this year and work on myself, inside and out, I will learn what it is. I will learn how to Crave God and not food. I will learn that some cravings are ok. We are Made to Crave things and that is awesome!! I know that some cravings are good, I crave time with my family, I crave excercise, I crave to know God better... all those cravings are ok. I even think that my craving love is ok but I have to know that when I start looking towards the world for that love that I so desperately crave I am not going to get anything better than what I have already had. I have to look to God for that love, that unconditional, sent my son to die for you, kind of love. I can do this...