Tuesday, January 28, 2014

So sad

Ugh... not a great night. I'm trying so hard not to slip back into this darkness. .. I totally feel it pulling me. Telling me that I'm not good enough, no one is going to want me, I'm fat, I'm old, I have four kids... I live with my mom... ugh so many thoughts like that. I was supposed to go to small group tonight but before I left work my whole positive attitude left. All because of a valentines day conversation.  First of all for someone like me the holidays suck. I'm single and that is the time for engagements and all that stuff then you have valentines day which is horrible for me and right after that you have my birthday.  I won't even get into March yet. Anyways I'm not saying at all that all single people hate the holidays or valentines but for ME they are extremely hard. Anyways so at work people are married or in a relationship and they were talking about the big plans they had. I am just sitting there... one more year I'm completely alone. Like when does this end. When do I get a happily ever after. I don't need someone in my life I've gone two years almost 3 alone... but it would be nice to have a bad day and no that no matter what I have someone at home that will have my back... someone to hold me when I'm down... but I don't have that. Again. I don't know what plans God has for me but it would be great to be able to see the light at the end of this long dark tunnel... sorry for the extra post but I needed to write

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