Writing from the depths of my hell...

Sometimes I wonder if God has given up on me... yes I know that God never gives up He is always waiting for us to come find Him and He is just waiting with open arms... But really??? I mean that is what I have always been taught, that is what I grew up to believe... Yet nothing inside of me believes that I am worthy of that kind of love and forgiveness... What a life I have lead to have me thinking like this... The things I have gone through and endured only to put myself right back in that place over and over again.  I'm still on my journey to be beautiful inside and out... I'm back on track in a way... I'm still falling daily in other ways... but I am working on that.  This post is more of a confession for me rather than a blog post... I need to be honest with myself.  I'm not happy.  I feel like a failure daily.  I know that it is going to take alot to pull me up from whatever depth I've let myself fall to this time... but I know that I will do it.  I will succeed.  I have no choice.  So I am going to make a conscious effort (again) to write as often as possible.  I am going to stop letting the fact that I'm sometimes writing from the depths of hell stop me.  That is my reality right now.  I do see that light again... it is faded and the clouds block it out sometimes but it is there... I can see it and it IS getting brighter